I am just on the verge of submitting this to Science and Nature so you're really getting a sneak peek here. This is huge. If you've got an infant in your life (or anyone else in diapers, for that matter) then you'll want to listen closely. I have discovered the secret to optimal wiping. Feel free to just refer to it as "the secret".
Why might you be interested in optimal wiping, you ask? It could just save the world as we know it, by reducing deforestation and global warming and the real estate bubble and who knows what else. OK smart guy, I hear you saying you don't care about any of those things. So let's just say you're stranded on a deserted island with one baby wipe left and your kid is covered in a gigantic turd. Got your attention now, don't I? I thought so.
OK, so here it is. Instructions on optimal wiping. First, make one good pass with the wipe. You want to use up all of one side. Now, carefully fold it in half so that the two, erm, soiled sides fold toggether.
The trick here is that you've often only got one hand, since the other hand is often suspending or restraining various baby appendages. So folding with one hand takes some practice. You'll probably want to get a doll and some wipes and block off a weekend to really master it. Once you've got that step, it's all blue skies and green lights. Just repeat the process - wiping and folding in half. Wipe and fold. Take a look at the fancy-pants figure:
I know what you're asking yourself now, heady with your new found power and feeling like maybe you could go on folding in half forever. You're asking yourself, "Is there no limit to all this wiping"? Well, let me just reign in that optimism there, Mr. Zeno. Your good friend, Mr. Mathematics, just happens to have something to say about this. Let's take a look at the theoretical limit:
OK, so doubling your wiping power ain't so shabby either, now is it. But not so fast, smart guy. That was the theoretical limit. For the actual limit, we have to reference the super duper expert scientists here. So the actual wiping area is AT MOST:
I think that should set a few things straight around here. I actually haven't calculated the exact folding limit of your standard huggies/Costco wipe. I'm guessing it's more like 8 rather than 12. But I leave that as an exercise for the reader. Bonus points for calculating the limits of Tucks medicated pads. Now go out into the world and start folding your wipes into microscopic proportions!
Oh, and thanks to David Tucker for suggesting a formula.